It's 11:00 pm

I have to be up at 6:20, so not too bad.

I just finished this good book that I started 3 days ago. I literally read almost half of it in a day.

The ending is a little sad. I wish the ending was different, but with some books what you want you necessarily don't get. Same goes with the book of life.

I was trying to go to bed when I started crying, as I am now a little bit. Part of me knows why, part of me doesn't want to acknowledge it.

The book was about these friends, a boy and a girl, who keep somewhat in contact, but lose touch from time to time. However, they always find a way back to the friendship.

I kind of feel like that with Shane. We've been apart for now longer than we were together and I don't want to get back with him. However, I miss his friendship. I miss just talking to him about our lives. I've tried contacting him a few times, but he has yet to respond. He's always been bad about that. I don't want to be the creeper ex-girlfriend and contact him all the time. And when I say "we should get together" I mean him, myself and our friend Val.

I just want to know how he's doing. I pray for him and think of him every day. I think the reason why this book got me upset is that sometimes I feel like I am losing him as a friend and I don't want that. I know that your exes are exes for a reason, but I don't want to lose him all together. I know things have probably been tough for him since he got back. I just don't know what to do.

And here's the thing. Tomorrow I'll wake up and think "really Nicole, all of this over a book?"

I'm running another marathon

Yup. I will be registering for the Madison Marathon at the end of December (prices go up January 1st).

Come cheer me on Memorial Day weekend. :)

~Nicole

Perhaps I may be done posting

Seeing as how it's almost been a month.

I still check the blogs on here just about every day so I am still keeping an eye on YOU. ;)

I'm honestly working, getting through life and will be running my marathon a week from today. Nothing very exciting.

Random thought: That was the lamest dinner EVER.

~Nicole

Lack of posts

I know, I know.

I've been working a fair amount. With school back in session we've been really busy. That's good, but it was literally the matter of ONE day where we went from being semi-busy to BOOM! It's good though. Plus it's been nice to see my regulars again. This one guy came in yesterday. He reminded me a little bit of Jesus, with the long-light brown hair and the beard-mustache combo. I complimented him on it (not saying the Jesus part) an chatted him up a little bit. Unfortunately we were busy and he was with a friend so I couldn't get my flirt on. ALL of my hotties seem to come in when we're real busy, which stinks. lol

I am pretty much back to my "normal" self before all of the shit hit the fan. I still have my "meh" moments, but it gets easier every day. It's just hard sometimes since we still have this amazing chemistry and get on really well and we both miss each other, but it's timing. I mean we were lucky to see each other once a week for most of the summer and now he's going to be gone for 2 months. Part of me wishes at times that we were still dating, but it's been easier in some aspects. With our schedules right now we'd probably be able to see each other more often, but I still have mostly early mornings so I'd have to leave early. And that sucked so much doing that. Plus with us not dating it will be easier to manage this two-month separation. Yeah I'll miss him, but not as much as if we were still dating. We've seen each other twice since we broke up and we're going to try to get together once before he leaves.

Other than work and doing my normal things nothing exciting has gone on. My marathon is in a few weeks. My long run today wasn't as long as I had hoped. I REALLY need to get up to 20-22 miles within the next few weeks. I know when I'm running the actual marathon that adrenaline will help me, but I just want to get close to that distance.

Random thought: Baseball game on Sunday! :)

~Nicole

Cake

I am currently making a chocolate-whiskey cake.

Mmmm....chocolate.

Mmmm....whiskey.

My co-workers and friends say I should start a company where I just make booze-flavoured bakery.

As my 4-year old neighbour would say: dewicious.

~Nicole

My life and update to the 24 List

This past week has probably been the most "normal" week I've had for a while. I worked, hung out with friends and did stuff that I normally do. It was a shorter work week, which was nice. I know starting in a few weeks once school is back in full swing I'll be back to my normal hours since most of my co-workers will require less hours. It's all good.

Thursday night I drove to Milwaukee to visit Lindsey and Luke. It was so nice driving in my own car. Granted mom and dad probably would have let me use their car, but there's something about NOT having to ask for permission. I like Milwaukee's alternative station; I miss having one here in Madison.

Friday night was good. It was my neighbour Wally's birthday party so we went over and helped him celebrated. I miss my neighbours - it was so good to see them. Tim and Janice also stopped down. They flew to Maine today and had an early flight out of Madison so they spent last night at home. It was nice to visit with them. And talk about their wedding. I was officially asked to be a bridesmaid, which I of course accepted. I was hoping that I would be seeing how I am Tim's only sister/sibling, but I didn't have my hopes too high since Janice has lots of friends and she has two older sisters. I won't like saying how I was kind of expecting to be a bridesmaid, but at the same time it's not my place to ask. But anywhoo I will be and am happy. :)

The weekend and next week should be good/normal. I'm hanging out with Val and Ali tomorrow after work and before our work meeting. It'll be a normal work week this coming week. Lindsey is coming into town next weekend and we need to do some girly shopping.

Update to the 24 List:
I apologize. With my life being crazy of late I haven't kept y'all updated, but I have done things!

-I am still training for my marathon! After not really running long distances for about a month I am back to doing them. And my marathon is in 6 weeks!!!!

-I ate a Harvest, which is a nice/fancy restaurant, during Madison Restaurant Week

-I went to Concerts on the Square

-I went to Neo, a club in Chicago, with Rani, Robbie and Elaine

-I moved out of my parent's house

-I am still doing the new recipe and reading two new books. It was hard during July since I was so down that I really didn't do a whole lot. But I still did it.

Random thought: My hands smell like garlic.

~Nicole

Conversation of the Day

This made my day.

My weekend.

Perhaps even my past few weeks.

Y'all know I've been "meh" these past few weeks. I went up to Road America with my parents today. Road America is a 4.048-mile race track in Elkhart Lake, WI. I used to be a HUGE openwheel racing fan. Once that went to the toilet, I started to follow sports cars more. This weekend the American Le Mans Series (ALMS) was at Road America. I've got some friends in that series, including the driver below, Ryan Dalziel. There was an autograph session and I went to get his autograph and the following conversation took place.



Ryan: FINALLY, someone I know!
Me: Yeah. How are you?
Ryan: Good, thanks. How are you?
Me: Good. I heard you got married. Congratulations.
Ryan: Yup. That's what happens when you suffer a mid-life crisis. I was fired, got married and bought a dog.
Me: I broke up with my boyfriend, moved out and bought a new car.
Ryan: Well now you can pass him and laugh at him.

Random thought: Even though you do not know the details or circumstances, thank you Ryan Dalziel!

~Nicole

Lots of changes.

Lots of stories.

Cliff-notes version all right?

I officially moved out of my parent's house last night. It hasn't sunk in yet, although I am feeling lonely. My roommates work the typical 8-4 or 9-5 shifts most days; most days I am done by 2:00. Most of my stuff is at the new place. I forgot a few things and am going back on Wednesday to pick it up. I won't spend the night. I'll probably spend the night there on Saturday since we are going up to Road America on Sunday.

I also BOUGHT a car. This was the biggest shocker. I mentioned how I would probably need a car sooner than later. I was thinking in a few month, sometime before winter. My dad did some research a few weeks ago. We looked at the car last Wednesday, finalized the deal on Wednesday and I brought it home Friday. It's very overwhelming. I went from having few expenses to now having rent and all that comes with that and (soon to be) car payments and insurance. I'll be able to pay for it all and not deplete all of my savings. Savings will be used to pay for the actual car and even if it's a small amount I'll still be able to put some money into savings. I don't eat a lot - especially of late - so food won't be a big expense. Baseball season is almost over so I won't be driving to Milwaukee too often.

I've also been super stressed, but that is finally starting to calm down. I have a long run planned for Wednesday so hopefully that will work out. I have not had a long run in about a month, due to reasons I will not get into.

Random thought: I'm glad I found my small notebook.

~Nicole

Chicago and lyrics

I went to Chicago this weekend to de-stress and forget about life for a bit. Friday night was great. I was in bed for 9 hours and felt sooooo relaxed. I stayed with atlanticat - her and Al's new place is so cute! Lots of nice space for their kitties to roam around. We had some girly time and did some shopping. Saturday night we had dinner with terani and againstathorn and then got ready to go to Neo, their favourite club. The club was fun. I'm not one to frequent clubs, but I knew that they wouldn't take me someplace lame. We didn't get back until almost 2:30. I read for a little bit and went to bed. I had my sleeping issues again - I tossed and turned from about 7-9. I went for a bit of a run Sunday morning. Elaine and I talked and relaxed before watching a bit of the race from Mid-Ohio. She drove me to catch the 4:00 bus. I was home a little after 8:00. I relaxed with the parents before going out for a bit.

I had my sleeping issues again Sunday night. I got out of bed a little before 9:00 and went on the couch for about an hour. I was okay, but I read about a home invasion in the paper REALLY close to where Shane, Nick and Nick are going to be moving to this weekend and it upset me. It was in the 400-block of the particular street and they're moving into 420 of that particular street. Work went okay. It was slow, but went quick. I visited with Alison and then picked up a bike from Nadine. It needs a tune-up, but it's in good condition.

I took my sleep-aid pills last night and slept great. I went for a bit of a run, but it was so warm and humid. Thank God it wasn't sunny. I'm about to find food before going to work. The sleep-aid pills work, but I don't want to have to rely on those to help me sleep. I won't take them tonight since I have tomorrow off of work so I can always nap.

Random thought: Here are some sample lyrics of what I've been going through. Songs can be so relevant sometimes.

"Whataya Want From Me" - Adam Lambert
Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
'Cause you're doing it perfetly

"Try" - Nelly Furtado
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we went each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby

Finally able to get some sleep

Monday night I didn't sleep well again. Tuesday evening I ran errands, including the grocery store, and bought sleep-aid pills. According to the box they are supposed to help me fall asleep and stay asleep. While I still woke up I was able to fall back to sleep almost right away. This morning I woke up and actually felt rested. It says it's a non-dependancy drug, but since I don't have to be up as early tomorrow I'm not going to take the sleep-aid tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. Just gotta believe. :)


 I'm still stressed about things, but (slowly) things are starting to get better. I talked to a good friend today and she immediately said I sounded better. My dear friend Jaime called to see how I was doing and I was able to tell her everything without crying. I got choked up a few times, but tears weren't pouring down. I know they still will from time-to-time.

Random thought: Getting excited about moving!

Quick update

Things are...okay.

I have 3 big stressors in my life right now and my brain is constantly running. Even when I try and tell my brain to calm down it doesn't always do it. My brain will start calming down around 9:00 p.m. just because I'm so tired, but then by 5:00 a.m. it's back and running again. I've try deep-breathing exercises, telling my brain to rest and prayer. If I do get sleep it's not restful.

I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible so I'm not thinking about things. Work is one of my stressors, but at least when I'm there I'm not thinking about the other two. I'm trying to manage the best I can. Some days are better than others. It's just going to take some time. I'm going to Chicago this weekend so hopefully that will give me some rest and relaxation.

Random thought: Yesterday was so tempting, but I'm glad I didn't.

~Nicole

New recipe of the week

Last week I made an orzo-pasta salad. It was good.

Earlier today I made white chocolate brownies. The recipe called for unsweetened chocolate, but I substituted white chocolate instead. I also added almonds and dried cranberries. It turned out and the batter tasted good so I'm hoping for a "tasteful success." I'm about to have some, but I'm tired and want to get off the computer so I'll blog about the turnout soon.

Random thought: I really needed my pole-dancing class tonight.

~Nicole

My life

Has been not the best, to say the least.

I won't get into it, but my life has become very stressful this past week. All of the shit hit the fan at once and I have not been taking/dealing with it well. I barely eat and it seems like after 5-6 hours of sleep I just toss-and-turn. I have a feeling it will peak later this week as I prepare to move out (one of my stressors), but hopefully it will start to get better next week.

It's just frustrating since I WANT and NEED to feel better and eat better and exercise, but sometimes I just physically can't.

~Nicole

Going through some stuff

Probably won't be around much on here. Or in life in general. Going through some rough stuff. Gotta think, gotta pray. All I can do.

For now, please enjoy the picture of my gorgeous kitty. :)

~Nicole

The Day

 It was my first day back to work after my "mini vacation" and I proceeded to drop the lettuce and the pesto. Luckily I didn't lose a lot of each. Nadine came into work, which was nice. She drove me back to my car and I ran some errands. When I got home I was just in this mood - I can't really describe it - so I went out for a short run, a little over 2 miles.

I've just been in a bit of a funk today. I've felt a bit stressed and had a headache which killed my appetite. I really didn't have an organized breakfast or lunch (I just wolfed down a sub from Subway). Shane and I made temporary plans tonight, but it didn't work out so we'll hang out tomorrow or Sunday. It got to me again a little bit today. I don't live my life through/for him, but I just miss him a lot. And to be honest it really sucks we can't see each other as often as we want. I try not to complain since there are couples that have it far worse than we do. It's just something we'll both have to work hard on. Sometimes when I am having the "down times" if I can handle it, but I would feel worse without him in my life. 

Lately I've been questioning on the use of "love." I asked some friends how far they were into the relationship before they said "I love you." Obviously it's dependent on each individual couple. With him being gone a lot coming up it's going to be our first real test of our relationship and if we both work on it and are able to get through it (I don't see why not) than I see the definite possibility of the use of the word love for the future. It's something I don't plan on taking lightly or saying it in the heat of the moment if I don't mean it.

Work is going to be interesting coming up. One of our workers just put in his two weeks. Another girl leaves a week from today and yet another girl will most likely be leaving soon. We are interviewing and plan on hiring, but it's going to be stressful coming up. Which means I'll be busy and won't have time for ANYTHING. At least I have a job, right?

Random thought: C'mon Crew!

~Nicole

My summer vacation

I went to Oshkosh.

First I drove Shane to the airport. Even though we only had 45'ish minutes together I'm still glad I took him. He was only gone for two days, but it was still sad saying goodbye. I didn't want to stop hugging him. I said "we're going to have a lot of these goodbyes coming up, aren't we." He just smiled kind of weakly and nodded. After our goodbyes I drove straight to Oshkosh to visit Jolie and Justin. Sooooo nice having some girl time with Jolie. We made pizza and watched movies. We also did our nails. We had good, honest, meaningful and much-needed conversations. I seriously had the best night of sleep I had had for a while that night. I fell asleep right away and didn't have to worry about getting up early for work or to go run.

Jolie and I made breakfast: biscuits, purple potatoes and fresh fruit. Justin went to work so Jolie and I went thrift-shopping. I found a cute skirt for $1.50. We came back to the apartment and Jolie got ready for an interview. Justin drove and while Jolie was interviewing Justin and I had a really nice talk. It was nice getting a male-perspective on relationships from someone who is an outsider to the situation. Like Justin said Shane and I do not have a typical relationship. While it sucks sometimes we both signed up for it and if neither of us could handle it we'd say so. After Jolie's interview (which went well!) we grabbed a quick lunch. We lounged a little bit before I drove him. The drive was uneventful. A bit warm at times, but not too bad.

This morning I woke early to run. I hate this damn humidity. I was going to try for 10-11 miles - I did almost 7 1/2, including walking. I'm going to try for 14-15 next week. To prepare for my marathon I don't plan on doing more than 20-22 miles as my long run and that should be done roughly 3-4 weeks out, so mid-September, so I'm okay if my long runs don't go as planned 100% of the time. I ran a few errands, lounged around and read. I am currently reading Jane Eyreand it is pretty good so far.

Tomorrow I go back to work. Hopefully I'll see Shane too, albeit late since he has practice. I don't care if it's late. I don't work Friday and he doesn't work until 5:00 p.m. Even if half of the time is spent sleeping he's right next to me and that alone makes me feel good and gives me comfort.

Random thought: Time to find dinner.

~Nicole

Things are okay

 Or are getting that way.

Shane FINALLY contacted me late Thursday and we saw each other Friday after I got done at work. I told him I wasn't happy about his lack of communication. Instead of saying "you made me cry, worried, pissed and frustrated" I concentrated solely on the me being worried. I knew he felt shitty and didn't want to make him feel way more shitty - just a bit. I told him I have a tendency to worry and that next time, even if it's via text messages, take a few seconds to let me know he's busy and that we'll talk soon. I mean that's what I really wanted in the first place.

I walked him to work and then went to run an errand. I hung out with my neighbours for about 2 hours which was awesome. I then went back downtown and met up with Shane and Val at their work. They always get a free beer after work on Fridays so we all sat around and talked. We went to the Tiki Shack afterwards, which is this place specializing in rum/Caribbean drinks. I need to stop going there with those two! I got a decent buzz and knocked Shane's drink in his lap. Luckily it was almost gone. Since I had to work downtown the next morning I just crashed at Shane's place. I love sleeping next to him and cuddling and holding hands. I just wish I didn't have to leave at a little after 6:00 for work. The first hour of work was awful. I didn't think I was hungover since I felt fine when I woke up and walked the mile'ish to work okay, but as soon as I got there I felt awful. I was able to get everything ready and opened at 7:00. We're not allowed to sit, but I brought out a chair. I had my first customer a little after 7:30. I almost didn't make it through making her drink. As soon as I handed it to her I went into the bathroom and threw up. I sat down and took it easy until my next customer came in about 5 minutes later. I was good to go after that. Weird.

I work tomorrow and Monday and have Tuesday and Wednesday off. I'm going to visit my friends Jolie and Justin. I just need to get out of town for a bit. I also am having a co-worker work my shift on Friday so I can spend Thursday night/Friday morning and afternoon with Shane. He doesn't work until 5:00 on Friday and with us both being busy and on different schedules it'll be nice for me to spend the night when I don't have to leave early and we can sleep in and cuddle.

Random thought: I did make a new recipe. It was mini-chocolate cupcakes and they turned out yummy.

~Nicole

Meltdown

What: Meltdown

When: Friday July 2nd, 2010

Where: My family room

Time: 8:00 p.m.

Why:

-Not seeing my boy enough

-Not seeing my friends enough

-Being in charge at work this week

-Moving out in a little over a month

All of these things hit me at once Friday night. It was not pleasant to say the least. I was sobbing, typing an e-mail to two of my "older sisters." I still have mixed feelings about everything. Some issues are resolved, others are not, and others I honestly have no clue. It certainly doesn't help I'm on my period. Ever since I started taking birth control my emotions are all over the play during that time. Yeah I'd get emotional before, but not like I have been these past few months. Maybe in a few days I'll be fully better. Maybe it's a head game. I'd be okay, but since in the past I've been emotional while on my period maybe I just expect myself to be emotional and therefore become emotional when things don't have to be?

I don't know.

~Nicole

News and the new recipe of the week

 It's been a typical work week for me. I usually work mornings now. I enjoy being done early, but I can't stay out too late. Or I could, but I'm responsible so I don't. And I enjoy my sleep. Tuesday was a nice change. I was originally scheduled to close, but Melissa scheduled too many people to close so she gave me an option to have the day off, close or work 8-12. I worked 8-12. I went for a run before work and it was AMAZING running with the sun rising. I had a meeting after work and we went over what I'd need to do/know when Melissa is gone next week. I am in charge so that'll different. My overall duties don't really change. I'll do all of the orders, but if there is any sort of problem I have to deal with it. Hopefully there won't be anything major.

Shane's birthday was yesterday and I'm celebrating with him tonight. I've had his birthday gifts planned out for weeks. lol My good friend Laura www.laurazastrow.com is an amazing photographer and she helped me "doctor" up some photos I had of Shane and I. I printed those on photo paper and put them in a nice frame. I also made him a mix CD and bought him "Wayne's World" and "Wayne's World 2." Those movies have special meaning since when we first met once of us dropped a quote from the movie not thinking the other would get it, but we did so it's like okay this person has potential. ;) I also made him a few cookies and a spinach-and-artichoke dip "cake." He's not a big sweets fan, hence why he's only getting a few cookies, but I really wanted to make him a cake. He LOVES spinach-and-artichoke dip so I made a small batch and put some provolone cheese on top as the "frosting" and snipped some fresh chives as the "sprinkles." And a candle of course.

I don't have any plans for the holiday weekend. I work Saturday morning, have Sunday off and work 6:30-2:30 on Monday so I can't really have any plans that would require a long road trip. Oh well. It'll be nice to lounge for a bit before I get to play manager.

Oh and the new weekly recipe was a sugar cookie dough. It was the most basic I had ever seen - just butter, sugar, eggs, vanilla, flour, baking powder and salt. I used a little less sugar and butter and used almond extract instead of vanilla since Shane likes almond flavour. :)


Random thought: I can't wait for Shane to open his gifts!

~Nicole

Still functioning on 2'ish hours of sleep

I won't do it all the time, but last night was definitely worth it.

I went to Shane's show last night. I wanted to go, but I kept having mixed feelings since I knew it was going to be a late night and I didn't know how much time I'd get to see him. And I wouldn't know anyone there. I was there about 30 minutes before he and people I recognized/kind of new showed up so I just made a few phone calls. He introduced me to some people and a group of us ladies got to chatting. These ladies were so nice and fun to talk to. In the beginning of the night I was mostly hanging around Shane, but as it got going I was mingling back and forth.

The show was amazing. There were some sound issues with Nika's (the lead singer aka Zola Jesus) mike so you couldn't always understand her. I was such a proud girlfriend. He REALLY gets into his keys. It felt good to finally see him doing something he really enjoys. At a little after 2:00 a.m. I asked Shane for his key since I was tired and had to be up at 6:00. I went to bed and soon after I started to relax the rest of the guys came home. They weren't loud, but it was hard to try to fall asleep. Then Shane came into his room and we didn't fall right to sleep. I fell asleep maybe at 3:30'ish, a little before. Then I was basically awake from 5:30 a.m. on. Work was okay this morning, nothing too crazy.

The weekend has been okay otherwise. I closed Friday and opened on Saturday. I rested as much as possible Saturday so I could make it through his show. It's been standard weekend for me.

Random thought: SO excited to work more on Shane's birthday gift!

~Nicole

New recipe of the week

 Sorry I haven't posted for a while. The week has been okay. It's been a typical week for me. I've worked, ran errands and had my class. I went to the Brewer game last night and they FINALLY won when I was in attendance.

Here's the recipe of the week. I have my changes below.

Chocolate Toffee Cookies:
-1 stick of butter
-1 c. + 2T. sugar
-1 egg
-1 T. dark rum
-1 t. vanilla
-1 c. flour
-1/2 c. cocoa powder
-1/2 t. baking soda
-1/4 t. salt
-1 1/2 c. toffee baking bits
-1/2 c. chopped almonds

Soften butter and beat with sugar until fluffy. Add egg, rum and vanilla and mix well. In a separate bowl combine the flour, cocoa, soda and salt. Slowly add to the wet mixture until just combined. Stir in the toffee bits and almonds. Drop cookies onto an ungreased baking sheet and bake at 350 for 9-11 minutes, until the bottoms are slightly golden. Let cool for one minute on the sheet and then transfer to a cooling rack.

Notes:
-I used less sugar and butter
-I used milk instead of rum because I didn't have rum and the woman I made them for is pregnant. Not that a tablespoon would matter for the entire recipe, but still.
-If you don't want to buy toffee bits just chop up 3 toffee bars for the full recipe
-I omitted the nuts since I didn't have any - you could probably do without them anyways

Random thought: I am feeling very Eeyore'ish right now.

~Nicole

Kinda, sorta big news

I'm moving out of my parent's house for at least the month of August.

Currently three of my friends (Sam, Carolyn and CC) are sharing the house Sam grew up in. Carolyn is moving to Milwaukee for grad school in August and they'll need another roommate. They asked me and I accepted. I am living there at least the month of August. I would obviously be giving up a lot of things, including access to a car. We won't be too busy work wise in August so I'll have time to think/experience this and if it honestly doesn't work out I'll move back home.

Dad doesn't think it's a good idea financially. Mom thinks I'll be okay financially, but it's all the little things that I may not think of at the moment that will affect me. I really want it to work out. More independence, more life experiences, etc. Sam's house isn't too far away so I am still close to grocery stores, bus routes, library, post office, etc. Shane can spend the night at my place. ;)

It'll be a change and a challenge, but I'm ready for it.

~Nicole

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong to be a little jealous of people who can go places while I sit on my ass in Madison?

I know I could go places. I've got money saved up. I don't have amounts and amounts, but if I wanted to take a trip somewhere I could afford it. I've never done that because to my advantage (or detriment) I've always been a responsible person. I never spend more than I make. Even though I don't always need to be cheap I am cheap almost 100% of the time so I can save money. Whenever I go shopping I usually spend less than I budget because "I don't really need that."

Part of why I may not go places is because I feel bad asking for time off. I've always felt bad asking for time off. I am going to e-mail my manager soon with my July requests and I am now re-thinking a few days. One of my co-workers called and she has to quit because the opportunity she originally lost suddenly came back to her and she has to leave next weekend. I am happy for her, but now we're going to be short-staffed. And one of our workers can work less than he originally thought. I get roughly 2 days off a week, which is fine, but asking for those extra days off is what I feel bad about.

I thought about maybe going somewhere over the 4th of July weekend, but with me moving out for at least the month of August I have to really start budgeting my money, moreso than I already do, so I'll probably scratch that. I have to buy a bike - don't know how much that will cost me.

Random thought: I'm going to tune in to see the first few minutes as nastycar craps all over my home track of Road America.

~Nicole

New recipe: jalopeno-cheese-onion bread

 I technically made it Saturday, but there's still leftovers so it'll count!

Whenever I see Shane I almost always bring food. He isn't a big sweets fan and I wanted to try something new. I had been wanting to make smittenkitchen.com/2010/01/ricotta-muffins/. It was last minute and I didn't have all of the ingredients. Instead of stuffing the muffins I used the ricotta in place of some of the yoghurt and used milk as well. I also cut up a jalopeno pepper, some onion and grated some cheese and added that as well. I, being Nicole, used less sugar and oil. I didn't want it to be a sweet bread so I didn't want that sugar anyways. I also omitted the fennel and the nuts. And I also added about 3/4 cup of shredded cheese.

It turned out pretty good. The bit of sweetness really complimented the heat from the peppers. I think I'd used another 1/2 or whole jalopeno next time since the ricotta and the milk cancelled a bit of the heat.

Random thought: This evening is a better evening than last evening.



~Nicole

RIP Grandma

 She's finally not suffering anymore.

She was my grandma that had alzheimers for a good while. She probably had her first symptoms at least 10 years ago. As sad as it is to say this she hasn't been "my grandma" in...I'd say about 3-4 years. That's when she lost all recollection of me as a granddaughter (and herself being a grandma to myself and my brother and my cousins). She was there physically for the past few years, but she's been gone mentally for a while now. I don't know if it makes it easier to cope since I felt like I already lost her years ago. Now she's happier and in a much better place now.

~Nicole

Being in funk...and this week's new recipe

Yesterday, for example, was just not a good day. Shane and I made temporary lunch plans. He said he'd call, which he did, but he called later than I thought he was going to and I got hungry. I kid you not I was about to finish my sandwich when he called. I didn't get upset at him, but I got upset that I had started making this sandwich and I had to rush to catch the bus and I ended up driving anyways since his rehearsal plans changed. I had also rushed through making food Monday night since I wasn't sure if we were doing Monday dinner or Tuesday lunch. Add to that all of this hormonal shit and my grandma with the alzheimers is basically on death's door made for a not-very pleasant Nicole. AND Shane was in a bad mood too. We didn't take it out on each other, but we just needed each other's company. Just laying in bed and holding each other. I had to open this morning and I really don't want to leave him at the end of the night, but last night I just felt like I HAD to stay. But I didn't.

This morning I was still in a bit of a bad mood, but I got better as the day went on. Nadine and myself helped Laura paint. It was soooo good to visit and talk; Oliver and Eliot are getting so big! Tonight I have my class. I have the day off tomorrow. Maybe I'll make something Mexican for lunch since I have cilantro. And tortillas. I'll figure something out.


Recipe time:
So I made a mini cheesecake. I have a 3" springform and I wanted a small dessert for our meal (Shane doesn't really eat sweets) so I made a small one. I took your basic ingredients and just made something up on the spot. lol I used low-fat cream cheese, fat-free sour cream, sugar, vanilla, an egg white, pinch of salt, fresh strawberries and a crust made of teddy grahams, wheat thins and a bit of margarine. It didn't taste too bad, almost like yoghurt. It would have set up better if it was

Random thought: I need to figure out dinner. And put some gas in my car.

~Nicole

The weekend and booze cake-brownies

Honestly, nothing too exciting happened.

Friday I only worked 2-5:30, a short, sweet shift. That night I made my new recipe of the week: "booze cake brownies." The recipe was a whiskey-guiness cake, but I didn't have the whiskey or guiness. I don't drink Guiness and good whiskey is pricey so I used some of the coffee liquor I had. It turned out pretty good. If I ever have whiskey and Guiness on hand I'd make the actual recipe. I brought the cake to a party I went to that night. I had a good time and if I had not have had plans for Saturday morning I would have stayed later.

Saturday was exciting. I met Nadine at the Farmer's Market. We saw cows and walked around. We split two scones. I bought cilantro and catnip. We sat and talked for a few hours before heading our separate ways. I went to the grocery store and bought ingredients for salsa. I made the salsa, visited with the neighbours, had lunch, and worked on my resume. I headed over to Shane's around 4:00. It started POURING when I parked and luckily I had an umbrella. The bottom of my skirt was soaked. We had a good time.

I worked this morning and it was sssssssllllllllllooooooooowwwwwww. I visited with Ali after work and went to the co-op since I was hungry. I am eating dinner now, just turned on the game and will lounge for the rest of the evening. I'll be opening for the next few days.

Random thought: Will I be able to buy this booze with a straight face?

~Nicole

Update on the 24 List

 Well it's been a little over two months since I turned 23 so let's see how I'm progressing, eh?

2 - run a marathon
I have started my training, but a bad bruise has set me back a little bit. I've ran on it twice when I probably should not have. Luckily my runs don't start getting really long for another few weeks.

4 - try one new recipe a week
As I've been blogging you've heard of my successes/failures. I am making this week's new recipe tomorrow night for a party I am going to.

6 - take a fun class
That would be my pole 1/lap dance which is going great. In fact, I registered for pole 2 last night!

8 - attend a new concert
I saw Kris Allen a few days ago and he was pretty good. Hopefully I'll also be seeing one of the bands Shane is in within the next month as well.

17 - read two new books a month
So far so good. I cut it THISCLOSE with May though!

That's it so far. Within the next few months I imagine I'll be able to accomplish some more, including concert on the square, eating at a fancy restaurant and trying a new cuisine. And of course having a tea party with the neighbour girls.

Random thought: Bill Hall actually got a bit!

~Nicole

So Shane came over to dinner...

 ...and it went great!

When we pulled into my driveway I suddenly got a little nervous. He had to calm me down a little bit. We went outside and I joked that we had a double whammy - the neighbours were over. We did introductions and all started talking. Lily and Elise wanted me to jump in the pool so I did. However, the landing wasn't so pretty. I jumped and tried to get my legs crossed so I'd land on my butt. Well I didn't have enough time to do that and was in the process of crossing my legs when I landed so the right side of my right food hit my left leg just below my knee. I hobbled back home in pain and my the spot on my left leg swelled up so bad, maybe 4" x 2". I put some ice on it and the swelling went down, but even the slightest touch still hurts. The neighbours left and then it was just us four talking and eating. The conversation flowed so easily, which is what I really hoped for. And my parents REALLY like him. :)

The rest of the weekend...hmmm. I worked Friday, went for a bit of a run, and went grocery shopping. I went downtown and read at coffeeshop for almost an hour and then met Shane and Val at work at the end of their shift. We went out for a few drinks. They were delicious, but they caught up with me. I did not get sick, but I felt awful on Saturday morning. Shane took very good care of me. :) I walked him to work, went to the westside farmer's market and then headed home. I had mac 'n cheese, napped and then went to pick my boy up for dinner.

Sunday should have been a great day, but it was meh. I woke up with an awful cold and a bit of a cough. Val and I went to the Brewer game. It was soooooo hot and our seats were in the sun. We maybe spent half the game in my seats and then the other half finding shade. Between her being sunburned and overheated and me being sick and overheated none of us had the best of times after maybe the 4th inning. We're still glad we went and we had fun, but circumstances prevented it from being great.

Oh and I did make my new weekly recipe last week: pop-tarts. They were okay - nothing special and they don't hold up in a cookie jar so I'm going to have to throw them out. I won't post the recipe.

Random thought: I feel awful.

~Nicole

Saturday is the day

 Shane is (most likely) coming over for dinner, hence, meeting the parents.

We hung out yesterday evening and I asked when he worked on Saturday (12-4) and if he was doing anything in the evening (no, and he wanted to get out of his house). Instead of phrasing it like "my parents want to meet you - come over" I said that we were having a barbeque and that he was invited. He didn't come up with any excuses and he did not seem nervous at the possibility. I'll most likely be seeing him Friday night. I'm excited that he's coming over for dinner and meeting my folks. Like I've said before my friends like him, he treats me well and I'll tell my parents the cute/sweet things he has done. Hell it may be a double whammy - if the neighbours are home and outside they'll come over too! lol

The past few days have been okay. I officially started my marathon training guide/plan. It's been sooooo warm and humid in the mornings so I'm glad that I'm only doing short runs. I did my long run today; it was supposed to be Friday, but I didn't want to run 6 miles at 12:30 p.m. after working in the morning. I am definitely a morning/before work runner. It's one thing running 3-5 miles after work, but longer would most likely be tough for me.

Random thought: I have my second Miss Pole class tonight. I am so glad I take that class - it's so fun!

~Nicole

Whiskey-chocolate cake

I am currently in the process of making it for my friend's birthday dinner tonight. I'm just in the beginning stages, but it already smells sooooo good.

The past few days have been okay. I'm working less since we're on our summer hours, but that's okay...for the time being. Maybe that'll give me a chance to work on my volunteer options.

Shane and I had another sleepover. I was tired and went to bed before he did. CUTE ALERT: He helped me get comfy, tucked me in and kissed me goodnight. He'll sometimes say "I can't believe I landed someone like you" or something like that, but I should be the one saying that. It's all those little things that just make me so happy and feel special.

My Brewers have been playing like crap lately. Ugh. And today's start isn't looking any better.

Random thought: The new neighbour puppy is soooo cute!

~Nicole

New recipe and pictures

This week's new recipe was an oat scone from the Ovens of Brittany, a well-known Madison bakery that was in business for almost 30 years. One of my regulars from the bakery comes into the coffeeshop about once a week and she gave me the recipe. It tasted pretty good. I used dried cranberries since I didn't have currants, but any dried fruit of your liking would suffice. Below is the full recipe; I cut it into quarters.

Ovens of Brittany Oat Scones:
-3 cups AP flour
-3 cups oats
-1/2 cup sugar
-2 T. baking powder
-2 t. cream of tartar
-1 t. salt
-1 1/2 cups dried currants
-2/3 cup melted butter
-2 eggs
-1 1/2 cups milk

Combine the dry ingredients. Melt the butter in a separate bowl and then add the eggs and milk. Add it to the dry ingredients and mix for a sticky dough. On a floured board, roll out to 3/4" thickness. Cut with a biscuit butter or 2 1/2" diameter glass. Bake at 360 (yes, 360) for 22 minutes.


A serious face in this one, but oh so cute. :)


Got him to smile in this one :)

A lovely, but chilly picnic

 So late last week Shane and I decided to go on a picnic Sunday. The original forecast called for it to be sunny and 70 - almost perfect! It was actually 63, overcast and a bit windy. It was still a lovely time. We went to Lake Kegonsa, which is about 15 minutes away from Madison. I had packed sandwiches, veggies and dip, fruit, teddy grahams, cheetoes, a pear-almond tart and various beverages. It was very good. We sat and talked for hours. We had fun playing on some playground equipment. I have some pictures; I'll post those later in the week since we're seeing each other again tomorrow and will try for more pictures.

The weekend was nice. I worked Saturday and Sunday mornings. It was so cute seeing all of the graduates come in in their cap and gowns. Today it was pleasantly steady at work. With almost all of the students gone we have definitely slowed down, but it was nothing like last summer. I think it helps that we are better known.

Tomorrow I open and then plan on going for a run after work. I need to run some errands in the afternoon and then Shane and I will be spending the evening together. I may bring my violin, I'm not sure.

Random thought: Older sisters, I may need your advice later on in the week. Going through something and I may not be able to "figure" it out on my own.

~Nicole

Talking with my boyfriend

I love it.

We can have open and honest conversations with one another. We'll just lie down and talk for hours. Yesterday we had a long conversation about our relationship and sex. And kids and abortion. Yeah, maybe a bit early for some of that talk. Talk about "light" dinner conversations. LOL We started talking about why neither of us are ready to become parents. Or even want to become parents. And that got the whole abortion topic started, which we agree on. The conversation became lighter as the evening went on. He gave me some really nice compliments and I of course gave him some. I almost cried when he called me beautiful because I knew it was sincere and from the heart and he wasn't saying it just to please me.

Like I posted earlier I love lying next to him. I did not want to leave his place early this morning. I was tired and it would have been so much easier to fall asleep with him and wake up and go to work. Another time. Speaking of another time we're (hopefully) having a picnic on Sunday! We're going to Lake Kegonsa. I wanted to go to Devil's Lake, but it's further away and with me opening Monday morning I'd rather have a 15-20 minute drive than a 45-60 minute drive. We'll have more time to spend there and we'll most likely talk more. I'm taking my camera so hopefully I'll have some cute pictures to share.

Random thought: I hope y'all don't mind some of these mushy posts. This relationship is still new so I'll probably have my fair share of them. :)

~Nicole

New recipe 6/52

I'm currently noming on it as I type!

Balsamic-Glazed Salmon:
-salmon fillet(s)
-olive oil
-chicken broth
-balsamic vinegar
-brown sugar
-orange juice
-salt
-pepper
-ginger*
-garlic*
-cornstarch, if necessary

Chop the ginger and garlic. Marinate the salmon in the oil, broth, vinegar, juice, sugar, salt, pepper, ginger and garlic for 2-4 hours. Bake at 350 for 15-25 minutes (depending on size and thickness of fillets). While fish cooks bring the marinade to a boil and reduce until it thickens. If it is not thick enough by the time the salmon is done thicken it with the cornstarch. Pour sauce on top of fish or serve the sauce on the side.

Notes:
-While the original recipe included amounts I did not because it really depends on how much fish you have. Plus I LOVE balsamic so I probably used a bit more than what the recipe called for.
-The original recipe did not call for the ginger and garlic, but I put it in for flavour. Plus it's delicious.


~Nicole

New recipe 5/52

I've had this recipe for a watermelon cake for NINE years and I finally made it a few days ago.

You basically add watermelon gelatin mix to a white cake mix and decorate it like a cut-up watermelon. In the original recipe the cake turned out pink, but the only watermelon gelatin I was able to find was green so essentially I had an "inside out" cake. The actual cake itself was green so I decorated it in red icing and used chocolate chips for the seeds, like the recipe called for. It turned out really good - Shane and I shared a little more than half (it was a tiny one, about 3" in diameter) and I polished it off this afternoon.

Of course I made my own white cake mix and made my own icing.

Random thought: Last night was fun and needed.

~Nicole

Saturday was great!

So earlier on Saturday before my run I had blogged about how good the weekend was going to be. Well it was!

My run on Saturday was great. A bit warmer than I would have liked, but I finished in 1:59:49. I thought I was going to be about 2:05-2:10! When I was driving home I almost felt like I was a bit drunk since my legs weren't used to being still but I made it home okay. I didn't really have much time to rest before my concert. My concert went well. My arms were soooo tired among the run, dress rehearsal and the actual concert itself. To be honest the concert was almost like a blur; it was like I was in a zone. The time seemed to go by so fast, but we were on stage for almost an hour. It was also really warm so I was ready to get out of there! I mainly lounged around Saturday evening.

Sunday I had to open at work. I only worked until noon so that wasn't bad. I stopped home quick before walking over to Jaime's parents house. Jaime, myself, Lindsey and Ashton had a good time visiting. I left early and went home to get ready for a "date night." Shane and I went to a movie and out to eat. Then we went back to his place and had a nice evening/early morning.

Today I slept in until almost 9:00. I went for a walk and am soon to go to the grocery store.

Random thought: I'm tired. I also hope I'm able to figure out my dilemma.

~Nicole

A weekend of good fun

 I have a busy, but good weekend coming up.

Yesterday I worked 6-2 and it was MUCH better than the previous Friday. After work I rested for a little bit and then hung out with some friends. We had dinner, made another podcast, played the Goosebumps board game (nostalgia much?) and watched some TV. I left early so I could get some sleep.

Today is my 20K run. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm always like that before runs. I feel good though. It's sunny, the winds are light and the temperatures are good. The humidity is a bit high, but I suspect that will go down as the morning goes on. After my run I'll have about 2'ish hours of recovery time before I have to go downtown for my dress rehearsal for my concert. I'll walk around between the rehearsal and concert - don't want my legs to tense up!

Sunday I work 6:30-12:00. After work I hope to visit Jaime for a few hours since she leaves to go back to NYC early Monday. Shane is done with work at 2:00'ish and we made tentative plans to do something. Speaking of the boyfriend, I am sooo happy he's back. We were able to see each other Thursday evening and it was so good to see him. He told me about his trip, the tour and he showed me pictures that one of his bandmates had taken. I want to go to Europe now! I enjoyed and missed being held by him. It is such an affectionate gesture and he does it well. :)

Random thought: I am so thankful for such a gorgeous day. :)

~Nicole

Happy Nicole - and my 200th blog post!

 Shane is back.

We're hopefully hanging out tomorrow. If we don't that's okay since I've got "back up plans" to go to dinner with friends. I really hope we do. I am going to give him the biggest hug and kiss he's ever received.

And I do mean ever.

Random thought: We has a happy Nicole. :)

~Nicole

New recipe 4/52

 This one doesn't have an ingredient list. Well, technically it does but I didn't follow a recipe.

I was really hungry for lamb so I went to Whole Foods after work. I didn't know what I wanted to do with the lamb. I saw that ground lamb was the cheapest so I bought some of that. I don't always go the "cheap" route, but lamb isn't cheap. I bought some buns and made lamb burgers.

Lamb Burgers:
-ground lamb
-salt
-pepper
-diced onion
-worchestershire sauce
-bread crumbs

I didn't include amounts because I didn't measure. I started out with 1/2 pound of lamb and maybe a half cup of onion. I love worchestershire sauce so I probably added more than the average person. I used only enough bread crumbs so that the burgers wouldn't fall apart. I had mine with a cucumber-yogurt sauce, tomato and feta cheese. You could probably do the standard "burger fixings."

Random thought: Bob Uecker, you get better soon after your surgery!

~Nicole

Here are some highlights from the past week

 Sorry I haven't blogged for a while. I've been working some long shifts at work and sometimes the last thing I want to do is blog. Here are some highlights of the past week.

-Got my haircut
-FINALLY have my crowne on
-Had my gyno exam - all tests negative! :)
-Had a real shitty day at work on Friday. I worked 6:00-2:15, but was mentally there only from 9:00-1:00.
-Had a great time at the Brewer game with mom, even though they lost.
-Sunday was a nice, easy day at work. I went to Sam and CC's band concert and then Carolyn joined us for margaritas and dinner.
-Had a few nice runs. Am slowing the mileage down somewhat so I am fresh for my 20K on Saturday.

Random thought: I had a dream that mom found my birth control. Good thing I have it hidden in a safe place in real life!

~Nicole

New recipe 3/52

 Success this time!

Whenever I am stressed or just out of sorts I tend to a) want to spend ALL my time in the kitchen or b) practice my violin. I've been on an oat kick lately and I wanted to make bars that weren't the typical brownie or fruit bars. I did some research and found a peanut butter and jelly bar. I make it and it turned out DELICIOUS! I would use more fruit spread next time as the crust and top layer tend to mask the fruit, but it still tastes great. Below is the full recipe; I halved it and put it in an 8x8. And as usual I used less sugar, fat, salt and used a bit of wheat flour in place of the AP flour. I ALSO made my own quick fruit spread, but your favourite would suffice.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Oat Bars
-1 cup brown sugar
-3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter
-1/2 cup peanut butter
-2 cups AND 2 tablespoons flour
-1 teaspoon salt
-1/2 teaspoon baking soda
-1 1/2 cups oats
-1/3 cup water or milk
-1 cup fruit preserves

Cream the sugar, butter and peanut butter. In a separate bowl combine the flour, salt, baking soda and oats. Slowly stir the oat mixture into the creamed mixture until just combined. Add the water a little bit at a time; you want the mixture to come together, but not be too wet. Place half of the mixture into a greased 9x13 pan. Spread the preserves over the bottom layer and then sprinkle the remaining oat mixture on top. Bake at 350 until the edges are slightly brown, about 20-30 minutes.

Random thought: Salad and ice cream for dinner tomorrow - yes!

~Nicole