New recipe of the week

Last week I made an orzo-pasta salad. It was good.

Earlier today I made white chocolate brownies. The recipe called for unsweetened chocolate, but I substituted white chocolate instead. I also added almonds and dried cranberries. It turned out and the batter tasted good so I'm hoping for a "tasteful success." I'm about to have some, but I'm tired and want to get off the computer so I'll blog about the turnout soon.

Random thought: I really needed my pole-dancing class tonight.

~Nicole

My life

Has been not the best, to say the least.

I won't get into it, but my life has become very stressful this past week. All of the shit hit the fan at once and I have not been taking/dealing with it well. I barely eat and it seems like after 5-6 hours of sleep I just toss-and-turn. I have a feeling it will peak later this week as I prepare to move out (one of my stressors), but hopefully it will start to get better next week.

It's just frustrating since I WANT and NEED to feel better and eat better and exercise, but sometimes I just physically can't.

~Nicole

Going through some stuff

Probably won't be around much on here. Or in life in general. Going through some rough stuff. Gotta think, gotta pray. All I can do.

For now, please enjoy the picture of my gorgeous kitty. :)

~Nicole

The Day

 It was my first day back to work after my "mini vacation" and I proceeded to drop the lettuce and the pesto. Luckily I didn't lose a lot of each. Nadine came into work, which was nice. She drove me back to my car and I ran some errands. When I got home I was just in this mood - I can't really describe it - so I went out for a short run, a little over 2 miles.

I've just been in a bit of a funk today. I've felt a bit stressed and had a headache which killed my appetite. I really didn't have an organized breakfast or lunch (I just wolfed down a sub from Subway). Shane and I made temporary plans tonight, but it didn't work out so we'll hang out tomorrow or Sunday. It got to me again a little bit today. I don't live my life through/for him, but I just miss him a lot. And to be honest it really sucks we can't see each other as often as we want. I try not to complain since there are couples that have it far worse than we do. It's just something we'll both have to work hard on. Sometimes when I am having the "down times" if I can handle it, but I would feel worse without him in my life. 

Lately I've been questioning on the use of "love." I asked some friends how far they were into the relationship before they said "I love you." Obviously it's dependent on each individual couple. With him being gone a lot coming up it's going to be our first real test of our relationship and if we both work on it and are able to get through it (I don't see why not) than I see the definite possibility of the use of the word love for the future. It's something I don't plan on taking lightly or saying it in the heat of the moment if I don't mean it.

Work is going to be interesting coming up. One of our workers just put in his two weeks. Another girl leaves a week from today and yet another girl will most likely be leaving soon. We are interviewing and plan on hiring, but it's going to be stressful coming up. Which means I'll be busy and won't have time for ANYTHING. At least I have a job, right?

Random thought: C'mon Crew!

~Nicole

My summer vacation

I went to Oshkosh.

First I drove Shane to the airport. Even though we only had 45'ish minutes together I'm still glad I took him. He was only gone for two days, but it was still sad saying goodbye. I didn't want to stop hugging him. I said "we're going to have a lot of these goodbyes coming up, aren't we." He just smiled kind of weakly and nodded. After our goodbyes I drove straight to Oshkosh to visit Jolie and Justin. Sooooo nice having some girl time with Jolie. We made pizza and watched movies. We also did our nails. We had good, honest, meaningful and much-needed conversations. I seriously had the best night of sleep I had had for a while that night. I fell asleep right away and didn't have to worry about getting up early for work or to go run.

Jolie and I made breakfast: biscuits, purple potatoes and fresh fruit. Justin went to work so Jolie and I went thrift-shopping. I found a cute skirt for $1.50. We came back to the apartment and Jolie got ready for an interview. Justin drove and while Jolie was interviewing Justin and I had a really nice talk. It was nice getting a male-perspective on relationships from someone who is an outsider to the situation. Like Justin said Shane and I do not have a typical relationship. While it sucks sometimes we both signed up for it and if neither of us could handle it we'd say so. After Jolie's interview (which went well!) we grabbed a quick lunch. We lounged a little bit before I drove him. The drive was uneventful. A bit warm at times, but not too bad.

This morning I woke early to run. I hate this damn humidity. I was going to try for 10-11 miles - I did almost 7 1/2, including walking. I'm going to try for 14-15 next week. To prepare for my marathon I don't plan on doing more than 20-22 miles as my long run and that should be done roughly 3-4 weeks out, so mid-September, so I'm okay if my long runs don't go as planned 100% of the time. I ran a few errands, lounged around and read. I am currently reading Jane Eyreand it is pretty good so far.

Tomorrow I go back to work. Hopefully I'll see Shane too, albeit late since he has practice. I don't care if it's late. I don't work Friday and he doesn't work until 5:00 p.m. Even if half of the time is spent sleeping he's right next to me and that alone makes me feel good and gives me comfort.

Random thought: Time to find dinner.

~Nicole

Things are okay

 Or are getting that way.

Shane FINALLY contacted me late Thursday and we saw each other Friday after I got done at work. I told him I wasn't happy about his lack of communication. Instead of saying "you made me cry, worried, pissed and frustrated" I concentrated solely on the me being worried. I knew he felt shitty and didn't want to make him feel way more shitty - just a bit. I told him I have a tendency to worry and that next time, even if it's via text messages, take a few seconds to let me know he's busy and that we'll talk soon. I mean that's what I really wanted in the first place.

I walked him to work and then went to run an errand. I hung out with my neighbours for about 2 hours which was awesome. I then went back downtown and met up with Shane and Val at their work. They always get a free beer after work on Fridays so we all sat around and talked. We went to the Tiki Shack afterwards, which is this place specializing in rum/Caribbean drinks. I need to stop going there with those two! I got a decent buzz and knocked Shane's drink in his lap. Luckily it was almost gone. Since I had to work downtown the next morning I just crashed at Shane's place. I love sleeping next to him and cuddling and holding hands. I just wish I didn't have to leave at a little after 6:00 for work. The first hour of work was awful. I didn't think I was hungover since I felt fine when I woke up and walked the mile'ish to work okay, but as soon as I got there I felt awful. I was able to get everything ready and opened at 7:00. We're not allowed to sit, but I brought out a chair. I had my first customer a little after 7:30. I almost didn't make it through making her drink. As soon as I handed it to her I went into the bathroom and threw up. I sat down and took it easy until my next customer came in about 5 minutes later. I was good to go after that. Weird.

I work tomorrow and Monday and have Tuesday and Wednesday off. I'm going to visit my friends Jolie and Justin. I just need to get out of town for a bit. I also am having a co-worker work my shift on Friday so I can spend Thursday night/Friday morning and afternoon with Shane. He doesn't work until 5:00 on Friday and with us both being busy and on different schedules it'll be nice for me to spend the night when I don't have to leave early and we can sleep in and cuddle.

Random thought: I did make a new recipe. It was mini-chocolate cupcakes and they turned out yummy.

~Nicole

Meltdown

What: Meltdown

When: Friday July 2nd, 2010

Where: My family room

Time: 8:00 p.m.

Why:

-Not seeing my boy enough

-Not seeing my friends enough

-Being in charge at work this week

-Moving out in a little over a month

All of these things hit me at once Friday night. It was not pleasant to say the least. I was sobbing, typing an e-mail to two of my "older sisters." I still have mixed feelings about everything. Some issues are resolved, others are not, and others I honestly have no clue. It certainly doesn't help I'm on my period. Ever since I started taking birth control my emotions are all over the play during that time. Yeah I'd get emotional before, but not like I have been these past few months. Maybe in a few days I'll be fully better. Maybe it's a head game. I'd be okay, but since in the past I've been emotional while on my period maybe I just expect myself to be emotional and therefore become emotional when things don't have to be?

I don't know.

~Nicole

News and the new recipe of the week

 It's been a typical work week for me. I usually work mornings now. I enjoy being done early, but I can't stay out too late. Or I could, but I'm responsible so I don't. And I enjoy my sleep. Tuesday was a nice change. I was originally scheduled to close, but Melissa scheduled too many people to close so she gave me an option to have the day off, close or work 8-12. I worked 8-12. I went for a run before work and it was AMAZING running with the sun rising. I had a meeting after work and we went over what I'd need to do/know when Melissa is gone next week. I am in charge so that'll different. My overall duties don't really change. I'll do all of the orders, but if there is any sort of problem I have to deal with it. Hopefully there won't be anything major.

Shane's birthday was yesterday and I'm celebrating with him tonight. I've had his birthday gifts planned out for weeks. lol My good friend Laura www.laurazastrow.com is an amazing photographer and she helped me "doctor" up some photos I had of Shane and I. I printed those on photo paper and put them in a nice frame. I also made him a mix CD and bought him "Wayne's World" and "Wayne's World 2." Those movies have special meaning since when we first met once of us dropped a quote from the movie not thinking the other would get it, but we did so it's like okay this person has potential. ;) I also made him a few cookies and a spinach-and-artichoke dip "cake." He's not a big sweets fan, hence why he's only getting a few cookies, but I really wanted to make him a cake. He LOVES spinach-and-artichoke dip so I made a small batch and put some provolone cheese on top as the "frosting" and snipped some fresh chives as the "sprinkles." And a candle of course.

I don't have any plans for the holiday weekend. I work Saturday morning, have Sunday off and work 6:30-2:30 on Monday so I can't really have any plans that would require a long road trip. Oh well. It'll be nice to lounge for a bit before I get to play manager.

Oh and the new weekly recipe was a sugar cookie dough. It was the most basic I had ever seen - just butter, sugar, eggs, vanilla, flour, baking powder and salt. I used a little less sugar and butter and used almond extract instead of vanilla since Shane likes almond flavour. :)


Random thought: I can't wait for Shane to open his gifts!

~Nicole