Progress

Yup. Life is good.


Life got better yesterday too. Just the smallest thing happened and it made everything okay. I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a while and it made me sad, but we ran into each other and talked for a bit. I think I have this "mom instinct" or something because I wanted to make sure he was okay and doing well. He had some rough times, but he seems to be on an upswing. I'm like that with about everyone I know - I want to make sure they're okay, have everything they need, etc. Just ask my co-workers.

~Nicole

Cooking blog

I think I'm going to turn this into a cooking blog. My co-worker told me she wants a healthy recipe a week. That got me thinking why not turn that into a blog? Almost like a Smitten Kitchen style, where I take photos in the process. Plus it would only be one a week so I could totally do it. And if I mess up I'd document and tell my 3 readers what NOT to do.

What do y'all think?

~Nicole

It's 11:00 pm

I have to be up at 6:20, so not too bad.

I just finished this good book that I started 3 days ago. I literally read almost half of it in a day.

The ending is a little sad. I wish the ending was different, but with some books what you want you necessarily don't get. Same goes with the book of life.

I was trying to go to bed when I started crying, as I am now a little bit. Part of me knows why, part of me doesn't want to acknowledge it.

The book was about these friends, a boy and a girl, who keep somewhat in contact, but lose touch from time to time. However, they always find a way back to the friendship.

I kind of feel like that with Shane. We've been apart for now longer than we were together and I don't want to get back with him. However, I miss his friendship. I miss just talking to him about our lives. I've tried contacting him a few times, but he has yet to respond. He's always been bad about that. I don't want to be the creeper ex-girlfriend and contact him all the time. And when I say "we should get together" I mean him, myself and our friend Val.

I just want to know how he's doing. I pray for him and think of him every day. I think the reason why this book got me upset is that sometimes I feel like I am losing him as a friend and I don't want that. I know that your exes are exes for a reason, but I don't want to lose him all together. I know things have probably been tough for him since he got back. I just don't know what to do.

And here's the thing. Tomorrow I'll wake up and think "really Nicole, all of this over a book?"

I'm running another marathon

Yup. I will be registering for the Madison Marathon at the end of December (prices go up January 1st).

Come cheer me on Memorial Day weekend. :)

~Nicole

Perhaps I may be done posting

Seeing as how it's almost been a month.

I still check the blogs on here just about every day so I am still keeping an eye on YOU. ;)

I'm honestly working, getting through life and will be running my marathon a week from today. Nothing very exciting.

Random thought: That was the lamest dinner EVER.

~Nicole

Lack of posts

I know, I know.

I've been working a fair amount. With school back in session we've been really busy. That's good, but it was literally the matter of ONE day where we went from being semi-busy to BOOM! It's good though. Plus it's been nice to see my regulars again. This one guy came in yesterday. He reminded me a little bit of Jesus, with the long-light brown hair and the beard-mustache combo. I complimented him on it (not saying the Jesus part) an chatted him up a little bit. Unfortunately we were busy and he was with a friend so I couldn't get my flirt on. ALL of my hotties seem to come in when we're real busy, which stinks. lol

I am pretty much back to my "normal" self before all of the shit hit the fan. I still have my "meh" moments, but it gets easier every day. It's just hard sometimes since we still have this amazing chemistry and get on really well and we both miss each other, but it's timing. I mean we were lucky to see each other once a week for most of the summer and now he's going to be gone for 2 months. Part of me wishes at times that we were still dating, but it's been easier in some aspects. With our schedules right now we'd probably be able to see each other more often, but I still have mostly early mornings so I'd have to leave early. And that sucked so much doing that. Plus with us not dating it will be easier to manage this two-month separation. Yeah I'll miss him, but not as much as if we were still dating. We've seen each other twice since we broke up and we're going to try to get together once before he leaves.

Other than work and doing my normal things nothing exciting has gone on. My marathon is in a few weeks. My long run today wasn't as long as I had hoped. I REALLY need to get up to 20-22 miles within the next few weeks. I know when I'm running the actual marathon that adrenaline will help me, but I just want to get close to that distance.

Random thought: Baseball game on Sunday! :)

~Nicole

Cake

I am currently making a chocolate-whiskey cake.

Mmmm....chocolate.

Mmmm....whiskey.

My co-workers and friends say I should start a company where I just make booze-flavoured bakery.

As my 4-year old neighbour would say: dewicious.

~Nicole

My life and update to the 24 List

This past week has probably been the most "normal" week I've had for a while. I worked, hung out with friends and did stuff that I normally do. It was a shorter work week, which was nice. I know starting in a few weeks once school is back in full swing I'll be back to my normal hours since most of my co-workers will require less hours. It's all good.

Thursday night I drove to Milwaukee to visit Lindsey and Luke. It was so nice driving in my own car. Granted mom and dad probably would have let me use their car, but there's something about NOT having to ask for permission. I like Milwaukee's alternative station; I miss having one here in Madison.

Friday night was good. It was my neighbour Wally's birthday party so we went over and helped him celebrated. I miss my neighbours - it was so good to see them. Tim and Janice also stopped down. They flew to Maine today and had an early flight out of Madison so they spent last night at home. It was nice to visit with them. And talk about their wedding. I was officially asked to be a bridesmaid, which I of course accepted. I was hoping that I would be seeing how I am Tim's only sister/sibling, but I didn't have my hopes too high since Janice has lots of friends and she has two older sisters. I won't like saying how I was kind of expecting to be a bridesmaid, but at the same time it's not my place to ask. But anywhoo I will be and am happy. :)

The weekend and next week should be good/normal. I'm hanging out with Val and Ali tomorrow after work and before our work meeting. It'll be a normal work week this coming week. Lindsey is coming into town next weekend and we need to do some girly shopping.

Update to the 24 List:
I apologize. With my life being crazy of late I haven't kept y'all updated, but I have done things!

-I am still training for my marathon! After not really running long distances for about a month I am back to doing them. And my marathon is in 6 weeks!!!!

-I ate a Harvest, which is a nice/fancy restaurant, during Madison Restaurant Week

-I went to Concerts on the Square

-I went to Neo, a club in Chicago, with Rani, Robbie and Elaine

-I moved out of my parent's house

-I am still doing the new recipe and reading two new books. It was hard during July since I was so down that I really didn't do a whole lot. But I still did it.

Random thought: My hands smell like garlic.

~Nicole

Conversation of the Day

This made my day.

My weekend.

Perhaps even my past few weeks.

Y'all know I've been "meh" these past few weeks. I went up to Road America with my parents today. Road America is a 4.048-mile race track in Elkhart Lake, WI. I used to be a HUGE openwheel racing fan. Once that went to the toilet, I started to follow sports cars more. This weekend the American Le Mans Series (ALMS) was at Road America. I've got some friends in that series, including the driver below, Ryan Dalziel. There was an autograph session and I went to get his autograph and the following conversation took place.



Ryan: FINALLY, someone I know!
Me: Yeah. How are you?
Ryan: Good, thanks. How are you?
Me: Good. I heard you got married. Congratulations.
Ryan: Yup. That's what happens when you suffer a mid-life crisis. I was fired, got married and bought a dog.
Me: I broke up with my boyfriend, moved out and bought a new car.
Ryan: Well now you can pass him and laugh at him.

Random thought: Even though you do not know the details or circumstances, thank you Ryan Dalziel!

~Nicole

Lots of changes.

Lots of stories.

Cliff-notes version all right?

I officially moved out of my parent's house last night. It hasn't sunk in yet, although I am feeling lonely. My roommates work the typical 8-4 or 9-5 shifts most days; most days I am done by 2:00. Most of my stuff is at the new place. I forgot a few things and am going back on Wednesday to pick it up. I won't spend the night. I'll probably spend the night there on Saturday since we are going up to Road America on Sunday.

I also BOUGHT a car. This was the biggest shocker. I mentioned how I would probably need a car sooner than later. I was thinking in a few month, sometime before winter. My dad did some research a few weeks ago. We looked at the car last Wednesday, finalized the deal on Wednesday and I brought it home Friday. It's very overwhelming. I went from having few expenses to now having rent and all that comes with that and (soon to be) car payments and insurance. I'll be able to pay for it all and not deplete all of my savings. Savings will be used to pay for the actual car and even if it's a small amount I'll still be able to put some money into savings. I don't eat a lot - especially of late - so food won't be a big expense. Baseball season is almost over so I won't be driving to Milwaukee too often.

I've also been super stressed, but that is finally starting to calm down. I have a long run planned for Wednesday so hopefully that will work out. I have not had a long run in about a month, due to reasons I will not get into.

Random thought: I'm glad I found my small notebook.

~Nicole

Chicago and lyrics

I went to Chicago this weekend to de-stress and forget about life for a bit. Friday night was great. I was in bed for 9 hours and felt sooooo relaxed. I stayed with atlanticat - her and Al's new place is so cute! Lots of nice space for their kitties to roam around. We had some girly time and did some shopping. Saturday night we had dinner with terani and againstathorn and then got ready to go to Neo, their favourite club. The club was fun. I'm not one to frequent clubs, but I knew that they wouldn't take me someplace lame. We didn't get back until almost 2:30. I read for a little bit and went to bed. I had my sleeping issues again - I tossed and turned from about 7-9. I went for a bit of a run Sunday morning. Elaine and I talked and relaxed before watching a bit of the race from Mid-Ohio. She drove me to catch the 4:00 bus. I was home a little after 8:00. I relaxed with the parents before going out for a bit.

I had my sleeping issues again Sunday night. I got out of bed a little before 9:00 and went on the couch for about an hour. I was okay, but I read about a home invasion in the paper REALLY close to where Shane, Nick and Nick are going to be moving to this weekend and it upset me. It was in the 400-block of the particular street and they're moving into 420 of that particular street. Work went okay. It was slow, but went quick. I visited with Alison and then picked up a bike from Nadine. It needs a tune-up, but it's in good condition.

I took my sleep-aid pills last night and slept great. I went for a bit of a run, but it was so warm and humid. Thank God it wasn't sunny. I'm about to find food before going to work. The sleep-aid pills work, but I don't want to have to rely on those to help me sleep. I won't take them tonight since I have tomorrow off of work so I can always nap.

Random thought: Here are some sample lyrics of what I've been going through. Songs can be so relevant sometimes.

"Whataya Want From Me" - Adam Lambert
Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
'Cause you're doing it perfetly

"Try" - Nelly Furtado
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we went each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby

Finally able to get some sleep

Monday night I didn't sleep well again. Tuesday evening I ran errands, including the grocery store, and bought sleep-aid pills. According to the box they are supposed to help me fall asleep and stay asleep. While I still woke up I was able to fall back to sleep almost right away. This morning I woke up and actually felt rested. It says it's a non-dependancy drug, but since I don't have to be up as early tomorrow I'm not going to take the sleep-aid tonight. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. Just gotta believe. :)


 I'm still stressed about things, but (slowly) things are starting to get better. I talked to a good friend today and she immediately said I sounded better. My dear friend Jaime called to see how I was doing and I was able to tell her everything without crying. I got choked up a few times, but tears weren't pouring down. I know they still will from time-to-time.

Random thought: Getting excited about moving!

Quick update

Things are...okay.

I have 3 big stressors in my life right now and my brain is constantly running. Even when I try and tell my brain to calm down it doesn't always do it. My brain will start calming down around 9:00 p.m. just because I'm so tired, but then by 5:00 a.m. it's back and running again. I've try deep-breathing exercises, telling my brain to rest and prayer. If I do get sleep it's not restful.

I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible so I'm not thinking about things. Work is one of my stressors, but at least when I'm there I'm not thinking about the other two. I'm trying to manage the best I can. Some days are better than others. It's just going to take some time. I'm going to Chicago this weekend so hopefully that will give me some rest and relaxation.

Random thought: Yesterday was so tempting, but I'm glad I didn't.

~Nicole

New recipe of the week

Last week I made an orzo-pasta salad. It was good.

Earlier today I made white chocolate brownies. The recipe called for unsweetened chocolate, but I substituted white chocolate instead. I also added almonds and dried cranberries. It turned out and the batter tasted good so I'm hoping for a "tasteful success." I'm about to have some, but I'm tired and want to get off the computer so I'll blog about the turnout soon.

Random thought: I really needed my pole-dancing class tonight.

~Nicole

My life

Has been not the best, to say the least.

I won't get into it, but my life has become very stressful this past week. All of the shit hit the fan at once and I have not been taking/dealing with it well. I barely eat and it seems like after 5-6 hours of sleep I just toss-and-turn. I have a feeling it will peak later this week as I prepare to move out (one of my stressors), but hopefully it will start to get better next week.

It's just frustrating since I WANT and NEED to feel better and eat better and exercise, but sometimes I just physically can't.

~Nicole

Going through some stuff

Probably won't be around much on here. Or in life in general. Going through some rough stuff. Gotta think, gotta pray. All I can do.

For now, please enjoy the picture of my gorgeous kitty. :)

~Nicole

The Day

 It was my first day back to work after my "mini vacation" and I proceeded to drop the lettuce and the pesto. Luckily I didn't lose a lot of each. Nadine came into work, which was nice. She drove me back to my car and I ran some errands. When I got home I was just in this mood - I can't really describe it - so I went out for a short run, a little over 2 miles.

I've just been in a bit of a funk today. I've felt a bit stressed and had a headache which killed my appetite. I really didn't have an organized breakfast or lunch (I just wolfed down a sub from Subway). Shane and I made temporary plans tonight, but it didn't work out so we'll hang out tomorrow or Sunday. It got to me again a little bit today. I don't live my life through/for him, but I just miss him a lot. And to be honest it really sucks we can't see each other as often as we want. I try not to complain since there are couples that have it far worse than we do. It's just something we'll both have to work hard on. Sometimes when I am having the "down times" if I can handle it, but I would feel worse without him in my life. 

Lately I've been questioning on the use of "love." I asked some friends how far they were into the relationship before they said "I love you." Obviously it's dependent on each individual couple. With him being gone a lot coming up it's going to be our first real test of our relationship and if we both work on it and are able to get through it (I don't see why not) than I see the definite possibility of the use of the word love for the future. It's something I don't plan on taking lightly or saying it in the heat of the moment if I don't mean it.

Work is going to be interesting coming up. One of our workers just put in his two weeks. Another girl leaves a week from today and yet another girl will most likely be leaving soon. We are interviewing and plan on hiring, but it's going to be stressful coming up. Which means I'll be busy and won't have time for ANYTHING. At least I have a job, right?

Random thought: C'mon Crew!

~Nicole

My summer vacation

I went to Oshkosh.

First I drove Shane to the airport. Even though we only had 45'ish minutes together I'm still glad I took him. He was only gone for two days, but it was still sad saying goodbye. I didn't want to stop hugging him. I said "we're going to have a lot of these goodbyes coming up, aren't we." He just smiled kind of weakly and nodded. After our goodbyes I drove straight to Oshkosh to visit Jolie and Justin. Sooooo nice having some girl time with Jolie. We made pizza and watched movies. We also did our nails. We had good, honest, meaningful and much-needed conversations. I seriously had the best night of sleep I had had for a while that night. I fell asleep right away and didn't have to worry about getting up early for work or to go run.

Jolie and I made breakfast: biscuits, purple potatoes and fresh fruit. Justin went to work so Jolie and I went thrift-shopping. I found a cute skirt for $1.50. We came back to the apartment and Jolie got ready for an interview. Justin drove and while Jolie was interviewing Justin and I had a really nice talk. It was nice getting a male-perspective on relationships from someone who is an outsider to the situation. Like Justin said Shane and I do not have a typical relationship. While it sucks sometimes we both signed up for it and if neither of us could handle it we'd say so. After Jolie's interview (which went well!) we grabbed a quick lunch. We lounged a little bit before I drove him. The drive was uneventful. A bit warm at times, but not too bad.

This morning I woke early to run. I hate this damn humidity. I was going to try for 10-11 miles - I did almost 7 1/2, including walking. I'm going to try for 14-15 next week. To prepare for my marathon I don't plan on doing more than 20-22 miles as my long run and that should be done roughly 3-4 weeks out, so mid-September, so I'm okay if my long runs don't go as planned 100% of the time. I ran a few errands, lounged around and read. I am currently reading Jane Eyreand it is pretty good so far.

Tomorrow I go back to work. Hopefully I'll see Shane too, albeit late since he has practice. I don't care if it's late. I don't work Friday and he doesn't work until 5:00 p.m. Even if half of the time is spent sleeping he's right next to me and that alone makes me feel good and gives me comfort.

Random thought: Time to find dinner.

~Nicole

Things are okay

 Or are getting that way.

Shane FINALLY contacted me late Thursday and we saw each other Friday after I got done at work. I told him I wasn't happy about his lack of communication. Instead of saying "you made me cry, worried, pissed and frustrated" I concentrated solely on the me being worried. I knew he felt shitty and didn't want to make him feel way more shitty - just a bit. I told him I have a tendency to worry and that next time, even if it's via text messages, take a few seconds to let me know he's busy and that we'll talk soon. I mean that's what I really wanted in the first place.

I walked him to work and then went to run an errand. I hung out with my neighbours for about 2 hours which was awesome. I then went back downtown and met up with Shane and Val at their work. They always get a free beer after work on Fridays so we all sat around and talked. We went to the Tiki Shack afterwards, which is this place specializing in rum/Caribbean drinks. I need to stop going there with those two! I got a decent buzz and knocked Shane's drink in his lap. Luckily it was almost gone. Since I had to work downtown the next morning I just crashed at Shane's place. I love sleeping next to him and cuddling and holding hands. I just wish I didn't have to leave at a little after 6:00 for work. The first hour of work was awful. I didn't think I was hungover since I felt fine when I woke up and walked the mile'ish to work okay, but as soon as I got there I felt awful. I was able to get everything ready and opened at 7:00. We're not allowed to sit, but I brought out a chair. I had my first customer a little after 7:30. I almost didn't make it through making her drink. As soon as I handed it to her I went into the bathroom and threw up. I sat down and took it easy until my next customer came in about 5 minutes later. I was good to go after that. Weird.

I work tomorrow and Monday and have Tuesday and Wednesday off. I'm going to visit my friends Jolie and Justin. I just need to get out of town for a bit. I also am having a co-worker work my shift on Friday so I can spend Thursday night/Friday morning and afternoon with Shane. He doesn't work until 5:00 on Friday and with us both being busy and on different schedules it'll be nice for me to spend the night when I don't have to leave early and we can sleep in and cuddle.

Random thought: I did make a new recipe. It was mini-chocolate cupcakes and they turned out yummy.

~Nicole

Meltdown

What: Meltdown

When: Friday July 2nd, 2010

Where: My family room

Time: 8:00 p.m.

Why:

-Not seeing my boy enough

-Not seeing my friends enough

-Being in charge at work this week

-Moving out in a little over a month

All of these things hit me at once Friday night. It was not pleasant to say the least. I was sobbing, typing an e-mail to two of my "older sisters." I still have mixed feelings about everything. Some issues are resolved, others are not, and others I honestly have no clue. It certainly doesn't help I'm on my period. Ever since I started taking birth control my emotions are all over the play during that time. Yeah I'd get emotional before, but not like I have been these past few months. Maybe in a few days I'll be fully better. Maybe it's a head game. I'd be okay, but since in the past I've been emotional while on my period maybe I just expect myself to be emotional and therefore become emotional when things don't have to be?

I don't know.

~Nicole